Every so often I think it’s natural to have one of those days where you wonder if you just care too little; or too much.
Most of the time I’m a thinker of the latter of the two. I guess it’s because I want something stable in my life so badly that I create fictitious reasons and problems to make myself feel this way. Also, not being used to things lasting and ending in a negative fashion doesn’t help anything. It really does come down to how you take everything.
As a grain of salt, or the entire world.
The choice is yours, but choose wisely.
Most of my fear comes from my internal worry that people won’t let things go, no matter the severity. I feel like everything I do or say will be held against me at some point in my life, as if I’m going to end life on trial.
The simple fear of loss is the most viable answer because I, just like the rest of the human population fears it.
All I want is to be happy, and stay happy. Nothing more, nothing less. Conflicts come and go, but I want to move past them as fast as I can, but resolving them none the less.
Every day I try and leave a negative situation on as positive a note as possible, or I suffer the worst possible though process regarding the conflict.
Most of all, I’ll never leave without saying I love you, because who knows, I could die any second… Shit happens.
I’ve been working around 16 hours a day for the past few weeks, and hardly had time for anything. I only have my (short) weekends. What’s worse is that I don’t get to spend any time with the most important person in my life; my girlfriend. I’ve had so much on my plate I can’t even breathe between bites. This isn’t to say I feel any differently about us because you know all of this is for you and I, as well the prospect of our future together. I’d give anything to insure our lives end up how we planned. Anything. I’m sorry that the time we spend together during the week now is for hours minutes. I can only hope with everything that I can that things will change for the better, I just wish you’d stand here by me while I make it through.
Though apart from all the chaos. I've never been so in love. To know that I’ve found someone as amazingly beautiful as you (not to mention being the most amazing person), gives me hope for everything. To feel that you’re here to support me is the greatest feeling I’ve ever known. It makes me feel like anything is possible.
I know I’ve told you so many times before, but I love you. You’re the best thing in my life, and I hope you are as long as I live.
As time spends it’s time just being, I must live amongst it. Therefore I must attempt to make each and every second worth more than the last.
"Don’t waste your time on me, you’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)” - I Miss You; Blink 182
I’ll ask you love or luxury as thought keeps me awake for days, Simple choices must be made before the fire spreads, Will you stand by me though the flames lick your skin, The choice to keep it at bay with words of forever for each other, Or shall the choice to feed the monster be yours? By hiding under doorways praying for a miracle, Giving into the love of luxury will never overcome me, The luxury of love will never be unappreciated by my heart and soul.
Yet another set of broken dreams from a mind running wild among mirrors, Left with nothing but a broken reflection as it attempts to give itself a final sum, The improper fraction stands alone, The floor gives way to the basement of desecrated memories, Living amongst the shadows of failure, I’ll stay so tempted with this gun in my mouth, Pull the trigger to reach final sanity in the sanctuary of the dead.